Toxic People

[#9.2021]

I would say this is a must-read book for anyone BEFORE walking into a relationship. If you are already in one, you are mostly blinded by the light of love and cannot see things coming. If you are like me, read this toward the end of my relationship, you need to be bold to take action given all the knowledge that you learned. I re-read it this year to enforce the concepts that are still so hard to accept even now. Technically, a relationship with a psychopath is an emotionally abusive one. 

Spotting Toxic People with 30 Red Flags 🚩

1. Gaslighting and crazy-making
2. Cannot put themselves into your shoes, or anyone else's for that matter
3. The ultimate hypocrite
4. Pathological lying and excuses
5. Focuses on your mistakes and igonres their own
6. You find yourself explaining the basic elements of human respect to a full-grown man or woman
7. Selfishness and a crippling thirst for attention
8. Acuses you of feeling emotions that they are intentionally provoking
9. You find yourself playing detective
10. You are the only one who sees their true colors
11. You fear that any fight could be your last
12. Slowly and steadily erodes your boundaries
13. They withhold attention and undermine your self-esteem
14. They expect you to read their mind
15. Your feel on edge around this person, but you still want them to like you
16. An unusual number of "crazy" people in their past
17. Provokes jealousy and rivalries while maintaining their cover of innocence
18. Idealization, love-boming, and flattery
19. Compares you to everyone else in their life
20. The qualities they once claimed to admire about you suddenly become glaring faults
21. Cracks in their mask
22. Easily bored
23. Triangulation
24. Covert abuse
25. Pity plays and sympathy stories
26. The mean and sweet cycle
27. This person become your entire life
28. Arrogance
29. Backstabbing gossip that changes on a whim
30. Your feelings

In 2016 when I first read this book, I found "my toxic person" had 26 red flags above 30. This year, when I read again, it went up to 28/30. 

When we start focusing on our feelings, this is where the healing begins.

I hate to tell you that there are toxic people out there and crush your dream of meeting a prince charming one day, but they are out there, and I came a cross one myself. Take care of yourself.

🅣