Marriage In A Nutshell

[#14.2021]

Quoted from Why Mummy Swears

It's a strange thing, marriage, isn't it? You meet someone , you fall in love with them, you realise you can't live without each other, you stand up in front of all your friends and family to vow to spend the rest of your lives together, and you know that on one level, a part of your heart and soul would wrench out if this person is no longer in you life, but on another level, you have seriously considered googling 'how to kill someone with a tube of toothpaste' should the inconsiderate TWAT continue to squeeze toothpaste in the middle instead of rolling it up neatly from the bottom LIKE A NORMAL PERSON. 

I once thought that the longer we lived together, the less Simon's 'little foibles' would annoy me, but if anything they have become more irritating over time. Not to mention that part of being married is knowing someone so well that you know exactly what buttons to push to wind them up, like when Simon tuts and rolls his eyes and makes his 'I am a saint to put up with this' face, when I ask him for the eleventy fucking billionth time to take the bins out and I contemplate where in the woods behind the park would be the best place to dig a shallow grave.

Maybe it's just that all the little things add up - all the unreplaced loo rolls, and the overflowing bins, all the pairs of pants left tangled up inside the legs of his jeans for me to remove, because I obviously have no other fucking things to do. So many little things, over the course of a lifetime, that mean the love of your life is also the most annoying fucker you have ever met. No one told me it would be this hard, skipping up that aisle, ready for life of married bliss, completely unaware that most of marriage consists of trying to remember that prison is not very nice, and you are probably too middle class to ever make 'Top Dog' and be allowed the trouser press.

- Gil Sims -