When

I recently learned about the Bottlers, people who try to push their emotions to the side and move on with life. Bottlers are likely to shove away unwanted feelings because those feelings are uncomfortable or distracting. 

And since they are pushing away their real feelings, they need something to hold on to move forward, that's when false or toxic positivity joins the game. 

And that's exactly how I felt about myself, a bottler, in my own life story, chapter Marriage. A dear friend of mine recently watching me re-opening my wounds and processing them, she expressed her concerns about why I have not gotten over my ex yet. Actually, I told her, it's not about my ex, I was so over him a long time ago. In fact, even though the romantic relationship is over, marriage wasn't just about the husband and the wife, there are many other interconnected relationships involved and my unhealed pains came from everywhere in the process. Those are what I needed to heal from. 

There are five stages of grief by textbook definition, and I think I am on the sixth stage, finding meaning, a new stage defined by David Kessler. 

The bottom line is, when you go through hardship in your life, especially relationship craft, observe your emotions, acknowledge them, understand where they came from, let them sink in then you can move on. They won't go away by ignoring them or by your willpower. 

That's when you will be free.

...and ready for whatever best things come next.

ⓣ