Where We Belong [Part 2]

[#12.2021]

Most of us were not taught how to recognize pain, name it, and be with it. Our family and culture believed that the vulnerability that it takes to acknowledge pain was weakness, so we were taught anger, rage, and denial instead. But what we know now is when we deny our emotion, it owns us. When we own our emotion, we can rebuild and find our way through the pain. 

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Anger is a catalyst. Holding on to it will make us exhausted and sick. Internalizing anger will take away our joy and spirit; externalizing anger will make us less effective in our attempt to create change and forge connection. It's an emotion that we need to transform into something life-giving: courage, love, change, compassion, justice. Or sometimes anger can mask a far more difficult emotion like grief, regret, or shame, and we need to use it to dig into what we're really feeling. Either way, anger is a powerful catalyst but a life-sucking companion.

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Kailash Satyarthi 2015 TED talk

Anger is in each one of you, and I will share a secret for a few seconds:

that if we are confined in the narrow shells of egos, and the circles of selfishness, then the anger will turn out to be hatred, violence, revenge, destruction. 

But if we are able to break the circles, then the same anger could turn into a great power. We can break the circles by using our inherent compassion and connect with the world through compassion to make this world better. That same anger could be transformed into it.

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Sometimes when I get overwhelmed, my default is "agree to disagree" and shut it down.

When we avoid certain conversations, and never fully learn how the other person feels about all of the issues, we sometimes end up making assumptions that not only perpeptuate but deepen misunderstanding, and that can generate resentment. The results are sometimes worse for the relationship than just having the so-called "argument" would be. 

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Help me understand why this is so important to you.

Help me understand why you don't agree with a particular idea.

𓇊𓇊𓇊

𓇊𓇊𓇊

If leaders really want people to show up, speak out, take chances, and innovate, we have to create cultures where people feel safe - where their belonging is not threatened by speaking out and they are supported when they make the decision to brave the wilderness, stand alone, and speak truth to bullshit.

𓇊𓇊𓇊

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Not only do moments of collective emotion remind us of what is possible between people, but they also remind us of what is true about the human spirit. An experience of collective pain does not deliver us from grief or sadness; it is a ministry of presence. These moments remind us that we are not alone in our darkness and that our broken heart is connected to every heart that has known pain since the beginning of time. 

𓇊𓇊𓇊

The foundation of courage is vulnerability - the ability to navigate uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure. It takes courage to open ourselves up to joy.

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Dr. Halifax Buddhist teacher, Zen priest, anthropologist, activist, author

"There is the in-breath and there is the out-breath, and it's easy to believe that we must exhale all the time, without ever inhaling. But the inhale is absolutely essential if you want to continue to exhale."

𓇊𓇊𓇊

We can't give people what we don't have. We can't fight for what's not in our hearts.

True belonging doesn't require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are.

𓇊𓇊𓇊

Belonging vs Fit in

𓅉 Belonging is being somewhere where you want to be, and they want you. Fitting in is being somewhere where you want to be, but they don't care one way or the other.

𓅉 Belonging is being accepted for you. Fitting in is being accepted for being like everyone else.

𓅉 If I get to be me, I belong. If I have to be like you, I fit in.

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